The Ultimate Test of Stamina

Tanner had no idea what he was getting himself into. It all started with a half-drunk eBay purchase after one too many whiskey sours and a very questionable group chat dare.

“You won’t last ten minutes with that thing,” his buddy Kyle had typed, followed by three crying-laugh emojis and one strangely unsettling eggplant.

And that was how Tanner found himself staring at the “Pleasure 2000 Life-sized Love Doll“—a name that felt excessive, but, hey, marketing was everything. The device had arrived in an unmarked box, its instruction manual riddled with grammar mistakes that made it seem both foreign and ominous. Tanner was amazed that a life-sized love doll toros could fit in such a small box.

Tanner wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. He had spent years developing his endurance through grueling gym sessions, late-night Warzone marathons, and enduring his ex’s three-hour rants about astrology. This was just another test of willpower.

He set the device up in his bedroom, ensuring the door was locked—because if his roommate, Ethan, walked in on this, he’d never hear the end of it. With a deep breath, he powered it on. The soft hum of the motor filled the room, followed by an automated voice that whispered in an unsettlingly sensual tone: “Ready for ultimate pleasure?”

“Jesus,” Tanner muttered. “I wasn’t. But sure.”

---

The first five minutes were manageable. He grinned smugly, feeling like he had conquered the challenge already. “Pfft. This thing ain’t sh—”

Then level two activated.

Suddenly, the suction doubled, and the rotation kicked in, making his entire lower half seize up. “W-whoa! Hey, let’s talk about this!” Tanner yelped, gripping the bedsheets as if he were on the verge of being abducted by aliens.

The voice spoke again. “Enhancing intensity. Prepare for ultimate stimulation.”

“Wait, what? NO—”

Level three.

The device whirred ominously. Tanner’s legs started twitching involuntarily. His breath hitched. He clutched the mattress like a man clinging to life in a Category 5 hurricane.

“Oh, f—oh, no—”

His toes curled. His back arched. His entire soul briefly left his body. For a brief moment, he understood the meaning of life, the secrets of the universe, and why his dad had always warned him about making bad decisions.

And then, the power surged.

The room flickered. The lights dimmed. And with a final, mechanical gasp, the “Pleasure 200 Life-Sized Love Doll“ shut off.

Silence.

Tanner lay there, sweat-drenched, wide-eyed, contemplating his life choices. He felt like he had just run a marathon, fought a bear, and solved a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded—all at once. He had no idea how much time had passed.

Then he heard it.

A slow, deliberate knock on his bedroom door.

“Yo, dude,” Ethan’s voice rang out. “The hell just happened? Our power flickered, and I heard you screaming.”

Tanner gulped. “Uh. Workin’ out.”

“That sounded like something way worse than working out.”

“Push-ups! Really intense push-ups!”

Ethan was silent for a beat. “Bro. The circuit breaker tripped. Did you just blow a fuse jerking off?”

Tanner clenched his jaw. He could not—would not—let this be his legacy.

“Nope. Must’ve been the microwave,” he said, scrambling out of bed. “I’ll, uh, fix it.”

“Dude, just… don’t touch me when you walk out.”

Tanner sighed and grabbed his sweatpants. As he turned back to the now-silent “Pleasure 2000 Life-Sized Love Doll“, he shook his head.

“Next time, I’m setting aside a whole weekend for this masterpiece.”